Shit needs to start getting real.
This is pathetic. I told myself that this summer I was going to lose weight. And when I say lose weight, I mean LOSE SOME SERIOUS FUCKING WEIGHT. Like go from 160 to 120. I believe that I can still manage that in two months... it'll involve lots of restricting and purging, but I HAVE to do this. I'm going into high school! I don't want to be the fat girl anymore.
Shit needs to start getting real.
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So guess what guys? I was 160 for like 5 months straight, but NOW I'M 156 AND BACK TO LOSING WEIGHT!! Breaking that plateau is such a good feeling - I'm sure some of you can relate. This summer I'm really going to try my hardest to get to 125 or 130. Yeah, in the picture I'm on the floor and sucking in so I look skinnier than I actually am, but compared to my other sucking in pictures this one is the smallest so far! I carry most of my weight on my butt and thighs just so you all know...
I've actually been sort of fasting lately. And purging.. but that's how I lost like 30 pounds previously so I honestly don't give a damn if it's unhealthy or not. I've been trying to exercise more as well, and this Monday I'm starting the "Blogilates Beginners Calender" workout plan. It's basically a setup for 4 weeks and it tells you what workout video of hers you're supposed to do/watch. I've done a couple of her workouts already and they're really great! The Bubble Butt and Squat Challenge ones are my faves. You will FEEL THE BURN. If you want to know the plan I'm talking about, click HERE. Take care, good luck with your weightloss!! Pro-ED is a huge controversy nowadays. This site is not pro-ED, but it's noticeably comparible to those kinds of websites. I encourage weightloss, not eating disorders. In a sense it's easy to think this is a pro-ed site because I myself have one, but it's not! You see, I do not encourage eating disorders AT ALL. People who are pro-ed do. I would never want another human being to have to deal with this unbearable self-hatred and depression. This website just encourages WEIGHTLOSS and WEIGHTLOSS ONLY. Whether people with EDs go here, or people who just want to get healthy, I made this site so it can work for all kinds of people. Of course it's basically geared towards girls, but men are definately accepted and encouraged to join this community! I don't care if you're pro-ana or pro-mia. We're all different. I just want everyone to be satisfied with their bodies and love themselves, and losing weight is a big step for many people, myself included. Stay strong and get skinny!
So of course we've all heard of sites and apps that you log your food into - like MyFitnessPal, et cetera - but how many people actually take the time to write it out in an actual notebook/journal? I just started doing that. I had a MFP account before, but because their system is whack I was banned due to the fact that I have an eating disorder and I'm not planning on recovering any time soon. (I'm too fat.) My Fitness Pal helped me A LOT, but I've heard a lot of good things about writing out what you've eaten in a notebook. It's physically there, so you can't just ignore it. Because MFP is a site/application I would always forget or just be too lazy to grab my iPod and log in shit. Now I'm just writing down everything and anything I eat, adding up the calories in things and logging exercise. Everything. It's working out quite well, apart for the fact that this day was great until I binged at dinner. I'm such a fucking fatass, and since it was take out junk food I didn't know the calories and info so I just guessed. I'm assuming it was like 1000 calories. I'm fucking pathetic. BUT, having this journal already makes a difference. I'm more weary about eating because I know I'll feel bad if I have to write all that down!
I swear I must have eaten 1000 calories worth of chocolate today. The worst part is that it was only one bunny. One big ass freaking chocolate bunny that my uncle gave me. I think everyone's trying to make me fatter, and it almost seems like it's working. I recently got back from vacation where I gained 2 pounds in a week and then the weekend I get back I'm showered with delicious sweets. Chocolate is so hard to resist... I didn't eat anything but that and a few chips today. Junk leads to other junk. FML. Ok, ok. It's April 1st. This month I will change my lifestyle for good. I need to stop eating all of this crap! I'm going to start going on the treadmill in my basement again and stick to a custom workout plan. Also a diet I made myself. If anyone wants I'll post it soon. Well, I hope your guys' Easters were nice. :) Stay strong and get skinny! Don't be a fatty like me.
Attatched is a diet plan I made myself. It's quite unhealthy, as it's normally a very low calorie intake, but if you'd like to try it out feel free! I originally created this for my best friend and I to do together but got sidetracked and started slipping back into my fat-ass old ways. I'm ready to start it up again though! :) Please, join me. I specifically made the weekends a higher calorie intake because I have to have dinner at my Grandma's house almost every Sunday. And you know, just to slack off a bit. ;) Paired with a good amount of exercise and lots of water, I think this is a great calorie goal. It's a word document, I apologize, I couldn't find any other way to show you guys. But hey, maybe you can print a copy for yourself! P.S. I download custom fonts, so it's very likely that they won't work with your computer. Other than that I believe that it should all be fine.
"My Friend ED" is basically just personifying my eating disorder. I got the idea from the movie Hunger Point (which was actually really lame). Sometimes I enjoy the fact that I have lost almost 30 pounds due to this, but other times I just hate it. Living with these constant thoughts in your head is awful. It's all FAT FAT FAT and CALORIES CALORIES CALORIES. Which days should I fast? And to purge or not to purge? You guys know what I mean. Everything sucks. Yet still... It works to lose weight. Not to mention that I feel better after purging... I have a love/hate relationship with ED.
Fucking hell, I want to escape my own mind. If you've looked at the "Going Too Far" page, you'll probably think I'm sort of a hypocrate. I've had bulimia for about 2 years now. I don't talk about it much with my friends but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Most bulimics are actually known to maintain their weight, or actually be overweight. It affects your weight in much different ways than anorexia. I'll fast, sometimes entire weeks if I can, and then once I stop I end up binging and purging. I'll purge even when i don't binge. I usually eat a light breakfast, no lunch, and then I purge dinner because I'm almost in a way forced to eat it because I'm a teen and still with my parents. I want this blog to be the cold hard truth of how having this ED has affected my life. I'll try to tell you guys everything. I know many of you can relate and I just really want this to be a nice down-to-earth environment for all of you girls. Hope you guys enjoy the ramblings of a psychotic bitch!!
❤, Rachel |